What Is Love 244: Andy
Last Thursday on Alberta, Portland OR USA

Quadriptych Digital Image 2015-2017

Patience. Gratitude. Kindness. Respect. Responsibility. Trust. Goodwill.

I would say, to me love is um, protection, um… taking care of people. Being taken care of. And, safe isn’t the right word, um, compassion isn’t the right word…. love is soft, vigilant, protective compassion. Cause I think of, my definition of love, has changed since my wife has been in a bad accident and and it’s obvious caring for somebody more than you care about yourself but that’s sort of it too.

Love is responsibility. Love is responsibility. When, so I went to the hospital, so I got a call, and, I… I got there, and we were far from home, and the doctor was like “Is this your wife?” and I said “Yes” and they said “We need to operate, you need to sign this for her.” And that was sort of the responsibility piece that I was talking about, like, actually taking ownership for that decision. So she whispered in my ear “Don’t let them cut my foot off” and then they said “You need to sign this cause we might need to cut her foot off” and then having to render those things and obviously signing it but it’s also sort of a an easy confidence that… love is trust. It came around to that.

I think I have an extraordinary relationship with my wife. So I was thinking about my wife, and my daughter, so my daughter’s kinda in there and that’s where some of the responsibility stuff comes from but I think allowing, I mean the dictionary definition is kind of right, I don’t need her to be any way at all and allowing her to be who she is… having the daughter really brings it home. I don’t want her to need me, I don’t want her to love me, I don’t want her to be any thing other than free, to do whatever she’s going to do… so I’m not, I’m not trying to get her to feel like I’m an awesome dad, I’m trying to get her to feel nothing and to feel safe and to feel like she doesn’t have to worry what I think about that stuff and I don’t want my wife to think about that either.

I want her to be free to do her thing, and I want to be free to do my thing to and so, to be able to do that next to somebody and not have to worry about if they’re going to be, if they’re going to understand it or not understand it and this sort of goes with how I feel about art, is that it’s only about, in my mind, about how I feel when I am doing it, I never do it for any purpose, I mean I’m not trying to get published or anything… but that’s off track. That’s not talking about love. But my wife, she let’s me do that, she doesn’t get it, she’s like, thinks it’s whatever, she doesn’t think anything about it, she accepts me.

So love is acceptance. Love is being supportive and love is being, um, it’s funny when you get behind the camera I get into this like proclamation mode and I don’t need too, but, what’s worked for us is that we had something really hard happen to us and then we survived it and there’s some momentum behind surviving that that we understand how important it is to not be alone and love is, it’s like being so respectful of the other person and their experience that you don’t take anything personally that they do and that’s really hard. Like she’s doing her own things for her own reasons, and I accept that, so I’ll like let a lot of shit go that I wouldn’t normally if I didn’t love her.